Tuesday Turn-On: Solid Slide Club Class

I wasn't overweight, but I'd complained forever that if I could just lose five pounds, I'd be happy. Mine wasn't the most active of lifestyles. Thin and flubby described me best. Ever since Tim broke it off with me, Sarah had been trying to convince me that going to Spa Lady at least twice a week was going to make me feel better. Confidence, energy, endurance, desirability, so on. I hummed and hawed about it for weeks before I stepped on the scale for kicks one day whilst brushing my teeth.


At some point my five pound goal became fifteen.

I'm Working on a Novella and Angelia Dawson Published One

Yoooou betcha!

I'm turning this story into a full-blown tale of hot love! It gets a little, um... NSFW. So read that shit at home with a fine wine. And leave a comment! Hopefully I'll be able to take your suggestions and make a published tale of rainbows for you!

I bet Kitten is the dude

And, yes, remember Lady Angelica Dawsonii here a while back? Well, if you weren't born then, she mentioned the release of a prequel to her dark destrier of a book, Blue Moon House. It shall be dubbed Blue Moon House: Kitten, and it comes to our Kindles and Kobos April 27th.

Before it comes out, you can peek at it here.

You better recharge your Lelo, bitch.

P.S. I don't know why I picked destrier. I suppose I figured that no one describes anything by majestic war horses nowadays. I should make it a thing.

Tuesday Turn-On: Housewives of Mt. Olympus

"You ever wonder what we're doing wrong?" Hera asked.

Zeus was languidly chewing his toast and gazing at the weather section over the top of his reading spectacles. "What do you mean, dear?" he asked without looking up.

"Our marriage."

Saturday Night Herald: Angelica Dawson

Ladies and gentlemen, readers and stumblers-upon, I wish to inform you that I am giddy with delight to post this article on a fellow Canadian Naughty Nights Press author. When she gets going, she takes you with her. She's an environmental surveyor by day, penman seducer by night. I give you: Angelica Dawson, from Edmonton, Alberta.

Which sometimes looks like this,

But usually looks like this.

Before you take us on any sort of saucy adventure, Ang, tell us what you've written!

Tuesday Turn-On:

Fuck it. Just go screw someone. You don't need me.

OmniTip #3 : How to be awake and otherwise conscious in the mornings

I like to be awake when I work in the morning. I'm happier, I preform better, and I have less of an inclination to punch people in the back of the head when they stand to the left on the escalator.

Seriously. The signs are fucking everywhere. How can you not OBEY?

In my earlier years, getting up at 7 a.m. was a hassle. I tried manipulating my life to its fullest extent so that I might sleep in until at least 8 and get a good, cushy 10 hours of sleep. Unfortunately, adult life now requires me to actually be at my base of operations by 8, and due to crazy new geographical homefront, I need to be up and at it by 5:30 in the morning.

Tuesday Turn-On: The Power of Lycra

The elevator came to a jerking halt. And then I was fucked. Both figuratively and then literally.

Saturday Night Alive: Naomi Shaw

I want to introduce you to another NNP family friend whom I've worked with in the past. This lady's well worth the wait. She's classy, sassy, and her name backwards is "I Moan." Pretty appropriate for a hot erotica author, if I do say so myself. I bring you Naomi Shaw!

What I'm Working On: Cree Walker

Have you heard of Cree Walker? No? Have you heard of God, even? Who are you? I don't even. UGH.

This is Cree Walker:
I just teamed up with fellow NNP magicians to work with Cree on her upcoming novel A Winter's Grave. What's different about this story is that it's not erotica--it's strictly paranormal romance. And it's good! If there's an avenue for heartfelt scenes, humor, romance, horror, or hit-you-in-the-feels drama, Cree will find it and she will draw the map for you. I have not found myself so unable to concentrate on my job before; I have to go back and stop enjoying myself so much in order to actually edit. And there's not even graphic sex! Holy mosey!



If you most certainly don't fit into Heaven, but you don't necessarily belong in Hell, you will find yourself in Purgatory. It's Hell on Earth. Ceres is one such person who finds herself there. Her one-way ticket to the Pearly Gates (or the Lake of Fire) is to catch fleeting Souls and send them where they belong. Along with a new family of Reapers, Ceres will struggle on her path to redemption... while redeeming friends, enemies, and loved ones. And also going through jobs like five cent candies.

Man, it's got Reapers, Demons, Ghosts, Werewolves, Witches--probably even Minotaurs, I don't know. Cree spins a story well, and she will spin you into her web without you realizing. Seriously, click on the link of your choosing to check out her other art. For an artist she certainly is. Cree Walker, I am but a humble fan, and I motherfucking salute you.

Naughty Nights Press
Amazon UK
Amazon US
goodreads
Barnes and Noble

Tuesday Turn-On: Poker Face

Ah! I went AWOL for a week. Shh, don't tell anyone. I solemnly swear I was up to no good. No, wait, the opposite of that. WHICHEVER IS THE GOOD ONE.

Here's a story to make up for my shortcomings! (Guess what? It's exactly 1000 words. I am on fucking fire.)

Tuesday Turn-On: A Rush Hour

I've spent half of my lifetime commutes in traffic jams. In fact, most of my driver's training was conducted on packed roads and slow-moving freeways. Over the years I've gotten creative on how to pass the time. At first I brought my laptop so that I might watch movies when I was stuck at a train crossing or something. Obviously that turned out to be a bad idea, so then I moved on to equally stupid things like cards and Chinese finger traps. Then audio books, language packs, munchies, one-handed crafts, and finally neck massagers. Since buying the vibrating pillow, I have not brought any new activities to the car.

You can imagine why. If you can't, though, I'll give you a hint: I haven't worn the pillow around my neck since the first day I bought it.

Saturday Evensong: Kayem Gee

Look at you, you naughty reader you, coming back to my blog! This time I am pleased to introduce someone new to you. She's got something fresh, something giddy, and she's got talent. New to the Saturday Evening floor: 

I go by the name KAYEM GEE THEE POETESS…coming to you from Saint Louis, Missouri.

Tuesday Turn-On: Mind the Gap

You're a fool if you leisurely stroll down the escalators to the platform in the morning. Always bolt down the left like your life depends on that next tube. This is me--if I didn't time it right I'd be ten minutes late to work. If you ever have the misfortune of meeting my supervisor when you've been ten minutes late for half your career, you would understand.

As I come power walking around the corner, I see the train idling, as if just for me--doors open, engine purring like a lion, not a soul on the platform. Because all of them are packed into the train.

The Lady Underground spoke through the intercom. "Please mind the closing doors."

I had a curse on my lips as I all but dived into the nearest compartment. And with a hair's breadth to spare, the doors just brushing the back of my coat as they hissed shut.

In the process of packing myself into the compartment, everyone lost their balance momentarily and sent hate in my direction via brainwaves. I cleared my throat and hung on to the bar above my head, angling myself so that I didn't bump into the three other hands grabbing the same bar.

To say we were packed like a sardine can was to say India isn't that populated. Everyone gathered around the doors like they'd never get out if they wandered into the compartment, and as a result every inch of my body was rubbing against something or someone.

Which made me realize my crotch was firmly pressed against the posterior of a blonde girl in front of me.

OmniTip #3: Bigger Crab Theory

This life pro tip was inspired by At One Point Captain Ly. He might still be a captain. I don't know. For all I know he could be a WalMart greeter or an ISIS agent now. Regardless of mishap careers, Ly has a really good outlook on life developed from and applied by video games. Yes, it's called Bigger Crab Theory.

COME AT ME BRO

As children (andmaybeasadults), we played a lot of video games. Mainly Japanese role-playing games. If you've never played one, the gist is that they have monsters to battle at every corner that look like they were designed in the same place where all the Hitachi toy designs were rejected.

                  I bet it's been done.

Tuesday Turn-On: Bag Boy

There she was, coming right for my till. She was a bit skinnier than my tastes, but I couldn't deny that she was gorgeous. Her hair was the kind of brown that looked fake, but the way she wore it was natural, soft waves tied back in a ponytail. Perky chest you'd expect to see on a model. All legs. I saw her at least once a week; she usually did her grocery shopping on Sundays. Once in a while she'd come on a Saturday, I guess, so it wasn't totally strange to see her striding around in spandex shorts and a tank top. It was just... what was she buying?

What to Read

Did you stumble in here because you had nothing better to do? My condolences. Let me make it up to you.

No matter what your tastes or prior knowledge, the following fictional account of Alexander Pope has to be one of the best erotic pieces I've read in a while. Why? It's authentic, it's believable, and it's harmonious on several different levels. It entrusted me with my imagination.

I like that.

If you're not so inclined to click on that link above, the short version of Alexander Pope is this: He had countless health problems, was a Catholic removed from an Anglican society, but kicked ass with his poetry and translating Homer into satirical works.You don't fuck with the Pope.

18th century poets were not wont of writing "Suck my big fat cock you slut!" The language is very particular to the period and the erotic moments are ever the more powerful for it. It meets you halfway and rewards you for continuing. Plus it has a few good plot turns in the mix.

It takes no more than twenty minutes to read. Do yourself a favour and involve yourself in a touching tale about a phenomenal man!

The story on Literotica

What I'm Working On: Stalk

I'm simply rolling in all the Cassandre Dayne right now. Who, by the way, was just on this radio show! Have a listen to ANYTHING GOES on blogtalkradio with Bennet Pomerantz and a couple of my acquaintances!

I turn into 450 pounds of carnivore at will.

Staged Whispers is on its way to your ereaders, ladies and gentlemen. I gotta say, dat ending. But I digress and risk many a spoiler, so I needs must continue. Next I'll be editing another installment in Dayne's Bad Things series: Stalk!

Vampires? Werewolves? Witches? No, thanks. I'll take God, the Devil and WERETIGERS please.

What would you do if you discovered someone from your past was still alive? You might wish to connect with him, protect him. But how do you protect someone from himself when it's the world that needs protection from him? Anastasia must make difficult choices for her and her Pride of weretigers in the upcoming battle of good and evil.

Oh, yeah, there's sex in it too.

Check out the beginning of Anastasia's sexual and spiritual sojourn in Bad Things Book I: Hunger, which can be found on the Naughty Nights Press eStore, Amazon, Amazon UK, and of course ARe.

You'll be like this:

Tuesday Turn-On: Bunkmates

Last year I signed on to Campus Camping Club. We didn't go on actual camping, unfortunately--just to the cabins an hour away. We go twice a year, with an optional trip during the summer months.

Having just attended the summer one, I have to say, hands-down, it's my favourite. It goes like this:

Being in our early twenties, we drank ourselves out of our livers and stayed up into the wee hours of the morning on our last night. The super came along and told us to pipe the fuck down, so we all retreated indoors to polish off our mickeys and two sixes in bed. Boys went to one room, girls to the other. We had a blast for a while. At some point we tired, though, and conversation nosedived.

The girl below my bunk was snoring lightly. Who was that under me? I couldn't remember. It could have been Rhianna or Jaquie or Lyn. I didn't know all the girls too well yet--I'd only been on so many trips with them--but I liked them, despite them having a wide range of personalities. Rhianna was quiet to the point you thought she was prim, proper, and terribly timid, but then she would slyly slip a comment into conversation that was so smooth in delivery I found myself tearing up with laughter. Jacquie was nice, buoyant, cute in a provocative way. She reminded me of Betty Boop meets Scarlet Johansson and acts like Lucille Ball. Lyn was so outgoing that you did not suffer a moment of quiet in her presence (or, in some people's minds, a moment of peace). She had an alpha presence, a good sense of humor, and was born without a filter. Whenever she got drunk, that fact became more apparent. She'd ripped a few out of me here and there, but in such a way I was smiling by the end of it.

Whoever it was was deep in sleep. Or so I thought. Suddenly I was focused on her breath. Realization was dawning. She wasn't breathing deeply; she was panting.

OmniTip #2: Confidence

I am a hermit. For years I was socially unstable at best. Some would call it what it is: ineptitude. I never felt very smart, very talented, very pretty, or in any way significant. I was a blight on global productivity. Just taking up a vacancy someone else could fill.

Before: Oh, bother.

What I didn't know is that somewhere along the line I tripped up and headed for that downward spiral, not knowing it was so easy to combat that and change who I was. Flash forward a decade: I now have a Bachelor's Degree (I never thought I was made of university material), I have lost 20 pounds, I am healthier, and I am feeling successful in my day career and my evening job.

After: I'm a fucking tiger.

I could ramble about how I got here, or I could let Amy Cuddy, scientist extraordinaire and my savior, say it. Reserve twenty minutes of your day and benefit for life.

Saturday Evening Spanking: Liz Adams

Next I want to introduce a recent inspiration of mine. Liz Adams is relatively new to the scene, and although she's just started the race, she's rocketed ahead and earned herself a few titles. Here's a little bit about her:

Liz Adams, author of the erotic fairy tale Alice’s Sexual Discovery in a Wonderful Land, lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, CA. Her short story Amy “Red” Riding’s Hood, an erotic version of Red Riding Hood, is an Amazon bestseller and winner of Goodreads’ Book of the Month for October 2012. Her other short story Hansel and Gretel with the Sexual Hunter is also a bestseller on Amazon. Liz studied music and creative writing at UCLA and worked as a freelance model before making her writing her career. In her spare time she cuddles with her husband on the couch to watch her favorite shows and often they work together doing research for her books. Feel free to contact Liz through Facebook.

Tuesday Turn-On: Dance Lessons

I volunteer with the Student Union as a Campus Greeter. Essentially that means I run orientation tours and help first years get acquainted with the next four years of hell. You wouldn't believe some of the things those pour souls say to me. "I plan to finish my degree in two years." "I'm taking four advanced Chemistry labs and seminars." "I plan to study for an hour every night. Time to buckle down, after all." Oh, you pretty things.

In addition to making blissfully ignorant first years welcome, I also orient foreign exchange students. This was a separate program that you have to sign up for. A computer chooses your buddy for you. Pen-palmanship is then established, and then about ninety percent of the time both people proceeded to never meet or even chat with each other ever again.

Except for me and Taner.

When we exchanged e-mails the first time, I introduced myself with all the bullshit pleasantries everyone expects but no one appreciates. I don't know if it's a Turkish thing or just a Taner thing, but his reply was a short, clear biography of himself (raised by an uncle, sculptured by the reserves), an outline of his interests and hobbies (cricket and cooking), a summation of his personality (quiet yet sociable), and to top it all off, he attached a picture of himself.

I am embarrassed to admit this, so no one else will ever know but you and I. But I saved that picture in the same folder with all the images of shirtless Taylor Lautner and Fight Club Brad Pitt. I look at Taner's the most. So you can imagine what he looks like.

OmniTips: How to Live Happy

You know what? I just realized the "What I'm Working On" Thursday spot is going to be the same for another month, the rate I'm going. If you've missed out on what that was (and are not going to scroll down the inch it takes to see the post), I summarize it in this: CASSANDRE DAYNE YOU SEXY CHARACTER MURDERER YOU.

In the meantime, I thought I'd post what little wisdom I've procured in my short life. Someone somewhere might get something out of it. So I present to you: OmniTip.

Not to be confused.

I don't pretend to be Confucius, but I've certainly picked up a few pro tips here and there about how to just... function better. Not just at your job, not just your relationships, but life in general. The first and simplest tip that comes to mind is this:

OmniTip #1: Refuse to be Angry

I just shit my pants! Yay!

Tuesday Turn-On: Dirty Maid Service

Originally it was a joke. Friday night, 24 pack, a crowd of young and lonely engineers, and you get someone drunk dialing. Les had the phone and he had the number in mind.

Of course I was convinced it was a joke. Until he gave over my address, phone number, and nicked my wallet to also give my credit card information. It was at that point I realized I was getting fucked over. Hugh and Pat wrestled me to the ground while Les darted upstairs and completed the call. After all the fight had been drained from me, Les came downstairs and put the receiver back in its dock. "Her name is Cynthia. She'll be by tomorrow at one o'clock."

"Fuck."

"You're welcome."

Your Saturday Evening Dessert: Phoenix Johnson

 A PHOENIX RISES FROM THE ASHES

Staged Whispers

 For the past little while I have had the honour of studying Cassandre Dayne's works. And I get paid to do it, too!

If you haven't heard of her, then you haven't been properly acquainted with the Internet. Cassandre is recipient of many a Paranormal Romance award, as well as the author of countless publications in the last year and a half alone. If you're into anything paranormal, then Ms. Dayne will take you on a thrill ride of terrifying, mesmerizing, and tantalizing proportions. Her latest creation of which I have been immersing myself in is Staged Whispers.

The story follows three housemates, occasional lovers and co-owners of Forever Green Lawn Company. Things should be perfect; they are extremely successful businessmen, they live in comfort and luxury, and once in a while, they have each other. However, there's more at play than meets the eye. Cole, a confident and capable suave seducer, is able to sense with his Empath ability that Dylan, his normally positive and caring colleague, is troubled by something sinister. It's not long before Dylan's past catches up with him and invites hell into their lives.

What I like best about Cassandre's work is that she's not afraid to get visceral--in which I mean she will tear the guts out of her characters and paint the walls with them. I've never come across erotica that takes on such dark tones and themes. If you ever find the mainstream erotic romance lacking, and want to find crime, mystery and murder, turn to Cassandre--she'll probably throw demons and monsters in the deal as a bonus.

You can find Cassandre Dayne's works at the Naughty Nights Press store, as well as All Romance eBooks, goodreads, Barnes and Noble, and the almighty Amazon. Don't forget to like her on Facebook!

What to Expect

Hello to all! With a new year came a new desire to kick my career into high gear--and dust off this blog to give it a little TLC.

In the past I've posted excerpts of what I'm working on. That will continue, but with it will come some new features, which I'm hoping will be consistent and of high quality! From now on you will see:

• Tuesday Turn-on: A 500-1000 word short, just to tease you. Oh, that's good too, Tuesday Tease. Shit, conundrum....
• What I'm Working On: Every Thursday, you get to hear about what I'm writing, editing, and procrastinating on. It will be short, sweet, and may occasionally contain a peek or two. I might also have pictures!
• Saturday Evening Dessert: Every Saturday I will do a outline of an author--this may include interviews or brief biographies, reviews, snipets of writing and/or a highlight of their books and other accomplishments. These will be writers from Naughty Nights Press, or just authors I've happened to meet while meandering the wonderful world of the Internet. Regardless, expect to see vivacious things on Saturdays.

This is my promise to you, my promise to me, and the beginning of something beautiful! To set off the new May McQueen blog, let's celebrate with an optimistic .gif!