As much of a shut-in as I am, I don't mind drinking from time to time. It's not that I ever get drunk alone—I mean, I thought about it once, but I got bored and read a book instead. But I've never been opposed to drinking. I realize that even though it's legal, it is a drug, and it has ruined people's lives. But I've always been a proponent of libertarian principles. As long as I'm not ruining anyone else's life, I see no harm in getting a little intoxicated now and again. And even though it was just me and Laura getting sauced, I was totally down for it.
One of our favourite shows was on when we sat down with shot glasses and various sorts of alcohol, and Laura immediately invented a drinking game. “Every time the laugh track goes off, we take a shot,” she declared. Unoriginal, but effective.
We settled on just a sip every time it happened; I had pointed out that that many shots in such a short frame of time could actually kill a person, and she agreed. We each took about eight shots once the episode was done, and that had been with small slurps, too. Before 9:30 hit, both of us were pleasantly drunk. I wasn't sure about Laura, but I felt like I was just poisoned enough to feel lightheaded and completely joyous without any trace of nausea. I was also on a fit of giggles that I couldn't quash. This inevitably drew giggles out of Laura, too.
“What's so funny?” she asked through her laughter.
“I dunno,” I said, tears in my eyes.
She keeled over in silent fits, landing in my lap. I leaned back into the sofa, squeezing my eyes shut and feeling the cramp in my side tighten. For some reason, this only made me laugh harder.
“What—what are you thinking right now?” she asked between gasps.
“I was just thinking about—” I began laughing hard again.
“What?”
“Titty booze—”
Laura guffawed and put her glass down, as if she'd sensed she'd spill her drink all over herself if she didn't. We held on to each other, busting our guts. “Why'd you call it that?” I asked.
“I like titties,” she whined. We howled together.
“Really?” I asked, still not taking her seriously.
“Yeah!” she said, straightening up. Then her eyes grew wide and she pulled her mouth into a tight O. “Oh, let's play a new game! Okay”—she straightened up and crossed her legs on the couch facing me, and I mirrored her posture—“I tell you a secret of mine, and then you tell me a secret, and whoever has the more embarrassing story gets to tell the other how much to drink!”
“Who's the judge of which story is more embarrassing?” I asked.
“We'll deal with that later,” she declared, waving a hand dismissively. “Okay, so, this happened maybe... three years ago? Just a few months before graduation. Anyway, this guy from the other class... Lars—yeah, Lars!—walked in on me and Portia once.”
I blinked. “What?” My laughs were flickering out like a dying fire.
“Yeah, remember Portia?”
Portia was this small Latino girl that was renowned around the school for being a little promiscuous. She couldn't have weighed more than one hundred pounds at any given time, and was mostly just small all over. As small a girl as she was, though, she packed a lot of sex appeal, and usually liked to flaunt it to her max. So I said yes, I remembered her well, then swallowed.
“Portia and I made this deal to meet each other every other day in third block in the library staff bathroom—because no one ever used it anyway—and we'd... you know... fool around.” Laura took the time to giggle and reach for her shot glass, but she stopped, hissed at herself, and muttered something about drinking afterwards. “Anyway, we got started doing that at a party at the beginning of the year, then we just... started doing it at school. At first we'd just make out and stuff, but things got a little heavier the more safe we felt in the bathroom. That day she leaned against the bathroom wall and I pulled her top up over her chest. I started experimenting with her tits—pinching her nipples mostly—and just as she was starting to look real hot and bothered... Lars walked in!”
I was suddenly aware of a knot that had grown in my stomach, and when I tried to say, “Oh, really?” I realized my mouth was too dry to speak. So I made a weird noise at the back of my throat which I was able to pass off as a confirmation.
“Portia shrieked and ran out of the bathroom—with her shirt back on, of course—and Lars all but booked it out of the library. The next time Portia and I met, she didn't feel so safe anymore. And for good reason, too—we found out Lars was peeking in on us again!
“We caught him about the third time after hanging outside the bathroom door. He'd figured out our schedule and came by every second day during the third block to listen. At first I acted disgusted and annoyed that my private time with Portia was being ruined by this pervert, but just when I thought it was all over, Portia said I should invite him in.
“So, at this point, I'd felt a little nervous. I mean, I'd never really done anything with a guy before. Even around a guy. But I opened the door a crack, and before he could run away again, I whispered for him to come in.
“We let him sit on the can while we made out, and... well, that's when I like to consider the time I lost my virginity.”
I gulped and tried to make it unnoticeable, and let her continue.
“Portia suddenly became more—vivid. I suppose she felt in her element—she'd slept with guys before. She took off my top and slid my shorts down over my ass, then shoved me against the wall and fingered me while grinding the palm of her hand against my clit.”
Normally at this point I would have felt uncomfortable and asked her to stop. But luckily for her I was liquored up on booze. And lucky for me, I was really enjoying this story, and successfully hiding it. At least I was really trying to.
“That was the first time I saw a penis, too. Lars jerked off on the seat while she fondled me, and as I started to come, he made a mess all over himself. Then after that she showed me how to do it to her. She asked him to come fondle her while I did it, and... I guess it sort of became a threesome. I didn't have sex with him at all, but we were kind of up close and personal.
“Portia asked me if I liked Lars being there, and I said I kind of did. But she started asking him to come every time to join us, and I started to back out. Then it just became the two of them screwing in the bathroom every other afternoon.”
“Did you keep fooling around with just her?” I asked, not really knowing why I'd have the gal to ask such a thing. I was probably just caught up in the moment.
“Yeah, we did. Just not on a regular basis. Actually, at an end of the year party we had, her and I got sloshed, and she went down on me. God, that was actually one of the best lays I've ever had!”
I could actually feel my cheeks and chest flush. I had no idea Laura was so extroverted and experienced. I mean, I always knew throughout high school that she went to parties and sometimes got into things kids our age weren't supposed to, but I thought for the most part that she and I were relatively similar when it came to sexual stuff. I knew she was really attractive and a lot of boys swooned over her, but considering how she acted around them, and the fact that she never talked about this kind of stuff before, I just assumed she was conservative.
Before I could censor the words coming out of my mouth, I asked: “What was it like?”
I immediately seized up in embarrassment, but Laura carried on as if I'd asked her about the weather. “Oh... you know when a guy goes down on you and he starts with the small licks in all the outer reaches before he gets to the sweet spot? How it aches in your thighs and your stomach?”
I could actually feel something like that between my legs. I shook my head slightly. “No.”
“Well, it was twice as—wait, what?”
I forgot to breathe for a second. “I....”
“You said you don't know what it feels like?” Laura said, flabbergasted. “Well, what about sex?”
“I... um. Don't know.”
Laura tilted her head forward and looked up at me disbelievingly. “What, you mean... never? Not even, like, petting, or anything?”
I pretended to be interested in my fingernails resting in my lap.
“Oh my God,” Laura cried, her voice growing louder with each word until she shouted. “You're a virgin? And—oh! Shit, Audrey, you let me keep talking about that! Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, I forgot I never talk about that stuff with you!”
“I didn't mind,” I said in a small voice, now feeling like a child must when she was caught doing something she shouldn't have. I was still looking at my fingernails.
“You didn't... mind,” she repeated.
I shrugged. When I glanced up at her, a different look was on her face, and I felt my stomach lurch and warm up as butterflies flapped around inside me.
“Audi... do you mind if I kiss you right now?” she whispered.
I felt my cheeks burn like they were neon signs saying TAKE ME. “No,” I whispered back.
